Self-deception Hurts You

It is true that in the war of love, there are couples who lie to us and cheat on us, treat us fatally and make us suffer a lot. But we sometimes also deceive ourselves and boycott ourselves.

It generally happens to us when we suffer low self-esteem, when we do not connect with our power, when we do not love ourselves and do not take care of ourselves. We succumb to the love drug even though we are aware that it is hurting us and that we should stop partying, detox, take a vacation, and dedicate ourselves to ourselves.

This hurts us all a lot because by deceiving ourselves we are, in some way, collaborating in our own destruction.

Let us remember that the patriarchy wants us sad, bitter, depressed, weak, stunned, self-conscious, insecure, in pain, at war against ourselves and against others, traumatized and full of fear. And sometimes without realizing it, we collaborate with the patriarchy, hurting ourselves.

Why don’t we accept reality?

We know that we can stop the love drug whenever we want, but we don’t because it is a very powerful drug. Self-deception is precisely the main characteristic of addiction: that is why it is so difficult to quit a drug, no matter how much damage it is doing to us.

In theory we get hooked on drugs and any addiction as long as they are pleasant. The funny thing is that we are capable of having very bad times when drugs no longer give pleasure, or it hardly gives pleasure, or we feel bad all the time.

We put up with it because we think we can’t live without it, but of course we can.

The point is that to get out of any addiction and any process of self-deception, we must become aware of the damage it does us, and we must put ourselves in a realistic and practical way: “I want the best for me, I don’t want what hurts me, I can live without it, and I want to be calm, and well “

Explain things as they are (and listen to yourself)

When you are clear about what it means to be well (not to expose yourself to pain, to avoid suffering, to surround yourself with people who love and care for you, to seek enjoyment and pleasure above all else …), then it is easier to use common sense to talk to yourself and to analyze your present, your feelings, your relationships, your dreams, your fears, your frustrations, and to evaluate whether a relationship compensates you or not.

All relationships go through their crises and live their conflicts, but if there are no good things, if you are not having fun, if you cannot be yourself, if you do not feel free, then it is not worth being in a relationship. Because love is to enjoy, to grow, to feel accompanied and cared for. And if they are not taking care of you, if you are not enjoying yourself, then there is no good love.

If there are more bad times than good times, the relationship is not worth it. So clear.

To avoid self-deception, we must know how to listen carefully and with love to ourselves, trust our instincts and our knowledge and learning, give priority to ourselves, ensure our well-being and happiness, and be brave to make decisions that make life easier and more beautiful.

All are advantages when you abandon the magical romantic thinking that has you waiting for the miracle: you put yourself in practical mode, you allow yourself to be realistic, and you make the decisions that are best for you and that benefit you the most.

We have to avoid the temptation of self-deception: we already have enough with the myth of romantic love to deceive ourselves too. We are going to take good care of ourselves and put our feet on the ground, that we are changing the world and every time one of us stops suffering for love, we all free ourselves.