And What Would You Do?

Carolina was walking the dog in a park with her daughter Alba. They had not seen each other for a few weeks, and the meeting had been the initiative of Alba, who wanted her mother’s advice on a matter that concerned her.

While the dog played with other dogs, they sat on a bench to talk. Alba explained to her mother a monumental hookup she had had with Iñaki, a co-worker. He ended up asking him:

-What would you do?

His mother didn’t think twice. I answer:

“Call him, and do it now.”

“But what do I say?”

“First of all you apologize.” And he should apologize too.

“Yeah … but are you sure?” Won’t you let a little time go by?

-Do not think about it. Do exactly what I tell you. Always works.

Alba pondered her mother’s advice. After a moment, he said:

“Okay, I’m going to do what you tell me, although I’m not one hundred percent convinced. ” I leave you, the children are waiting for me. Thank you for your advice. Hope it works for me …

Carolina remained seated on the bench, and suddenly she heard a voice at her side saying:

“What if it doesn’t work?”

Bewildered, she looked in the direction of the source of the voice and met the gaze of an endearing older man. Tempted to get up and disappear, her curiosity overcame her logic, so she remained seated and continued the dialogue:

“What is this question about?”

“Allow me to introduce myself.” My name is Max. I couldn’t help but hear your conversation, and I’m such an enemy of advice …

“I am Carolina, and as you may have understood, I am the mother of the young woman I was talking to.” And as a mother I think it is almost my obligation to advise my daughter when she asks me to.

—It is very generous of you to want to help her, but perhaps there are other ways that help her more and do not compromise you.

“Can you explain it to me?” Because I don’t follow you …

“How about a walk in this magnificent park?”

They got up, Carolina called her dog, put him on a leash, and started walking in the park. Max began his explanation:

“You see, Carolina.” Advice has two big problems: if the person you give it to does not do well, they will hold you accountable …

Carolina immediately came to mind the words of her son Tomás, when a few days ago she had said to her: “Bravo, Mom, I did what you told me and look at what trouble I’ve gotten myself into.” Max continued:

– And if they go well, you will generate a great dependency. People will systematically come to you whenever they need to fix something.

Again Carolina connected with her reality: Alba was, in effect, addicted to her advice; He always called her to turn to them. However, she was not willing to give up helping her children, so she accepted all this as a lesser evil. He asked Max:

“Okay, Max, I can understand, but what’s the alternative?” Because what I’m not going to do is leave others hanging when they have a problem, especially if they are my children.

-Of course not. Helping others is in your DNA. I’m not going to suggest that you stop. What I propose is that to help them, instead of giving them your advice, you help them discover their solutions.

“Easy to say, but how do you do that?”

Max took a few moments to find a way to get Carolina to connect with that idea …

—I propose you a little game: for a while I am going to be your daughter Alba. Let’s go back to the point where he told you about his conflict and asked you “What would you do?” Try to answer it without advice …

Carolina, with a smile on her lips, accepted the challenge and began to think of possible answers. Inevitably, they were all, more directly or more covertly, advice. So he kept looking for alternatives. A long time passed, until finally he said:

“What do you think you can do?”

Max started to play along.

“I don’t know … tell me you have more experience.”

“Maybe, but what works for me doesn’t have to work for you.” Think of alternatives and, if you want, we can talk about them.

—Okay: the first thing that occurs to me is to call him, but his reaction scares me.

“What can he tell you?”

“You can accuse me of having said unfair things to you.”

“And how can you avoid this accusation?”

“Maybe with a good apology …

They looked at each other and laughed. They had reached the same point, but Carolina had avoided the advice. It had been Alba, in the person of Max, who had suggested her own solution. Max asked him:

“Well, what did you think?”

“Interesting and comforting for me, because I’m not making any commitments … but much longer!”

—Undoubtedly, but remember what Alba said to you when she said goodbye: “I’m going to do what you tell me, although I’m not one hundred percent convinced.”

A world opened up to Carolina. It all made perfect sense … and he was sincerely grateful. It was a turnaround in his way of helping people.

Her dog shot off chasing another, dragging her with him. When the dog calmed down, he looked around for Max to say goodbye to him and thank him for the talk. However, he could not find it. He was left with the strange feeling that all this had only happened in his imagination.