How To Manage Children’s Wishes For Gifts

How many gifts does a child ask from Santa Claus or the Three Wise Men? About 4.25 gifts on average, according to a study by the University of Alpen-Adria (Austria).

Children’s desires are quickly awakened: here a toy with flashing lights catches their attention and they want it immediately as if the rest of the things in the world had disappeared, a little later it is a pack of cookies with cartoon characters that is makes them necessary. How to manage this tendency to want everything? How to manage the “gift management”?

Parents find it difficult to say “no”, especially when it comes to small things.

At first everything is very simple, the baby wants to eat, be hugged, sleep in peace. With that he is already happy and content. But this idyllic state does not last long. The little one sits in the sandbox, sees another child’s toy and wants it as much as if it were already his.

It is possible that the child still can not speak correctly, but know exactly who wants “it”. In general, it ends with tears when he is denied what is not his.

Later parents will often experience this scenario: the child wants something, does not get it, and the result is screaming and tears. Dramatic scenes are seen in department stores and supermarkets when parents do not want to take home the 80 euro plush toy or gum for one.

The boy throws himself to the ground and howls made a sea of ​​tears and snot. The gazes of passersby span the entire spectrum of meanings, from “poor kid” to “spoiled brat.” This forces parents to have very well tempered nerves because you simply cannot buy everything.

It is normal for children to “want to have”

Young children want everything because they are curious about something and want to make the world their own. But when a child “wants” something, it can mean very different things. Understanding the message takes experience, patience and empathy to know what the child’s heart really wants. And this discernment becomes more difficult as the child grows.

It is often a mystery to parents how their children have certain wishes. They don’t explain it to him. But you have to accept the fact that today’s children are exposed to a continual barrage of advertising, on television, on the internet and in the real world. A parent just can’t keep you safe from that.

In any case, preschoolers still can’t tell when they’ve become an advertising target. They like advertising with funny characters, catchy music, and bright colors, and they don’t understand that someone is trying to sell them something. And it is not enough to remove them from advertising. Desires for property often arise in the schoolyard. If someone comes to class today with the “fashionable” backpack, other classmates want the same.

Older children must provide something in return

The bigger children get, the bigger (and more expensive) their desires become. A study by the University of Alpen-Adria (Austria) estimated that the lists of Santa Claus and the Three Wise Men were composed of an average of 4.25 wishes that cost around 210 euros.

Younger children tended to express various cheap wishes, while children over the age of ten wrote fewer, but more expensive wishes. It seems that many are aware that gifts involve an investment per pair of Santa Claus or the Magi. Some persuasive child had added a “single cost …” to his wish.

Behind the generosity of adults there is usually a desire for peace and quiet, it is better to buy a bag of gummy bears than to start an argument. Sometimes, however, behind that is a guilty conscience: Absent fathers and mothers, weekend fathers, and others with feelings of guilt think they can substitute gifts for time and attention.

But children must also learn that money does not grow on trees, it must be earned.

And that means that the fulfillment of a wish sometimes has to wait. For example, until the next birthday, when parents and grandparents deliver the wish item together.

If the child is older, you can also provide something in exchange for fulfilling the wish, such as financing it in part with your pay. If the child is ready to do something for himself, it says a lot about whether the desire is true and not just a passing whim or the fruit of what is fashionable in a given mountain.

Material wishes or recognition

It can be very important for a child to have collectible cards like everyone else so that he can play along at recess and not be left alone in a corner. In this case, what you want is to be part of it and be accepted and recognized. If they insist on getting some sneakers of a certain brand, it is because they have become essential among friends. You have to assess a series of questions:

• Is the child currently in a difficult phase where he has to struggle to belong to a group?
• Is the child confident enough to position himself regardless of what he is wearing?
• Can the wish for recognition be fulfilled in another way? For example, through good athletic performance or willingness to help?

It is not so important if the shoes are finally bought, it is more important that the child learns that their parents take their time and take their wishes seriously. At the same time, you must learn to question your wishes and decide for yourself if they are really important. In this way, parents are giving their children autonomy.

As children grow, starting from adolescence, you can already talk openly with them about the meaning of the act of giving, about the material value of things, about their economic and environmental impact … But not all the arguments They should be presented as limitations to your already formed desires, but rather as general reflections that we must all make.

Tips for Parents on ‘Gift Management’

• Do not exaggerate. Finding the right amount is difficult for many parents and grandparents. But a bicycle when a tooth has fallen out makes little sense. It is best to coordinate with the main “donors” of the family for all occasions of the year, although the parents have the last word.

• Do an effort. If you want your child’s eyes to shine when they open the gift, you can’t just rush out at the last minute and buy something. Thoughtless purchases usually don’t go well. First ask yourself: what is appropriate for their age? What do you like to do in particular? Do you prefer to play indoors or out? Do you prefer calm or more eventful things? Can an existing toy be supplemented?

• Giving away money or vouchers to carry out activities. Opinions are divided here: many older children prefer to receive money because they can then fulfill their wishes on their own without further demands or explanations. Adults often find it difficult to keep up with the rapidly changing preferences of adolescents. Money, however, seems to be the gift of “minimal effort”, a message that can be received by the child. Better a small gift plus a banknote for the piggy bank. Or you can give a voucher for the cinema, the bookstore or to download music, games or movies, which limits the boy’s wishes a bit.